I remember this time last year. I had just come back from summer theater camp, remember, and wrote all about how much fun I had? I’ve been thinking lately about how much I’ve grown in a year…my relationship with God is so much more than it used to be, although I know it’s from from what it can be. And I think about my future now. What will my life be like next year at this time, two, three years from now? I always thought that when I got older, somehow I would feel different. It’s hard to explain…sort of like, “Oh, this is me now, but when I”m ___, I’ll be so much different, and won’t feel like myself anymore.”. I still feel like myself, like I haven’t changed at all inside. Yet, I’ve changed so much, just not what I thought I would change into when I was younger. And now I’ve talked myself in circles!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and live my last few years again. I wasted so much time! I am really behind in my schoolwork, and if I had kept at it, I wouldn’t be like this. But instead on doing Chemistry now, I’m here blogging. Haven’t I learned this lesson once?! And I wish I could be a kid again. I never really understood why Peter Pan wanted to stay in Never Never Land…wouldn’t he want to grow up and be an adult after a while? Now I feel like my childhood is ending, and I spent a lot of it wanting to grow up. I wish I could stay as I am now, and not have to worry about forks in the road and careers and choices and everything else you need to think about when you’re getting older. Just stay here, protected, sheltered, and spend my days learning and thinking without worry. But at the same time, I am excited for the future. I can’t wait to learn more about my favorite subjects, and grow into who God created me to be. And I truly cannot wait to do what He has planned for me! A future written by the creator of the Universe? Who would want more? I never really could relate when people said that before. Like, “Ok, wow, but you still control your life and God’s just sort of there for you when you need help.”. Now I really see that God actually has written your life, He has planned every second, yet still gives us free will. He doesn’t want us to be puppets, but to learn to trust Him, and give our lives to Him so that we will want to know Him and do His will. I have never really, truly wanted to know God before. He was just kind of…there. And I was supposed to tell my bad deeds to Him and He would forgive me and I would move on in my life until I remembered to ask for forgiveness again. And of course, he was just waiting to pounce on me until I did. I felt like there was a huge wall between us, and it could never be knocked down, as hard as I tried. A few months ago, I was at a sleepover with some friends and some events lead to that wall just tumbling down. And I felt God’s presence in the room, just enfolding me! It was the most amazing experience! Since then, I have tried to make God the center of my life, everything I do and say revolves around Him. And the thing is, I want this! I want Him to control my life! Sometimes I have the human feeling to just take control, and think that God doesn’t really care. And I do struggle with guilt from past sins. But I need to remind myself that God really has forgiven me, thanks to the amazing sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, who has made it possible to come to God directly. We are not worthy, but God accepts Jesus’ atonment instead of ours…no need to perform something for our sins, like a deed, but to acknowledge that I am sinful and Jesus has done the one deed necesarry for our sins.

I hope this didn’t come off as hypocritical or preachy…I do fall and make mistakes, I’m not perfect in any way, shape or form. But I’ve really been thinking about this lately, and as I wrote, it sort of changed into what it is now. I hope maybe this will help one of you guys, who is maybe struggling with some of the same things as me. If you have any questions about anything at all, please don’t hesitate to email me or comment or anything! I want everyone to experience the freedom and joy I am finding in God! I have so much more I want to say on this issue, you guys, God is just so amazing!!!

I remember this time last year. I had just come back from summer theater camp, remember, and wrote all about how much fun I had? I’ve been thinking lately about how much I’ve grown in a year…my relationship with God is so much more than it used to be, although I know it’s from from what it can be. And I think about my future now. What will my life be like next year at this time, two, three years from now? I always thought that when I got older, somehow I would feel different. It’s hard to explain…sort of like, “Oh, this is me now, but when I”m ___, I’ll be so much different, and won’t feel like myself anymore.”. I still feel like myself, like I haven’t changed at all inside. Yet, I’ve changed so much, just not what I thought I would change into when I was younger. And now I’ve talked myself in circles!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and live my last few years again. I wasted so much time! I am really behind in my schoolwork, and if I had kept at it, I wouldn’t be like this. But instead on doing Chemistry now, I’m here blogging. Haven’t I learned this lesson once?! And I wish I could be a kid again. I never really understood why Peter Pan wanted to stay in Never Never Land…wouldn’t he want to grow up and be an adult after a while? Now I feel like my childhood is ending, and I spent a lot of it wanting to grow up. I wish I could stay as I am now, and not have to worry about forks in the road and careers and choices and everything else you need to think about when you’re getting older. Just stay here, protected, sheltered, and spend my days learning and thinking without worry. But at the same time, I am excited for the future. I can’t wait to learn more about my favorite subjects, and grow into who God created me to be. And I truly cannot wait to do what He has planned for me! A future written by the creator of the Universe? Who would want more? I never really could relate when people said that before. Like, “Ok, wow, but you still control your life and God’s just sort of there for you when you need help.”. Now I really see that God actually has written your life, He has planned every second, yet still gives us free will. He doesn’t want us to be puppets, but to learn to trust Him, and give our lives to Him so that we will want to know Him and do His will. I have never really, truly wanted to know God before. He was just kind of…there. And I was supposed to tell my bad deeds to Him and He would forgive me and I would move on in my life until I remembered to ask for forgiveness again. And of course, he was just waiting to pounce on me until I did. I felt like there was a huge wall between us, and it could never be knocked down, as hard as I tried. A few months ago, I was at a sleepover with some friends and some events lead to that wall just tumbling down. And I felt God’s presence in the room, just enfolding me! It was the most amazing experience! Since then, I have tried to make God the center of my life, everything I do and say revolves around Him. And the thing is, I want this! I want Him to control my life! Sometimes I have the human feeling to just take control, and think that God doesn’t really care. And I do struggle with guilt from past sins. But I need to remind myself that God really has forgiven me, thanks to the amazing sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, who has made it possible to come to God directly. We are not worthy, but God accepts Jesus’ atonment instead of ours…no need to perform something for our sins, like a deed, but to acknowledge that I am sinful and Jesus has done the one deed necesarry for our sins.

I hope this didn’t come off as hypocritical or preachy…I do fall and make mistakes, I’m not perfect in any way, shape or form. But I’ve really been thinking about this lately, and as I wrote, it sort of changed into what it is now. I hope maybe this will help one of you guys, who is maybe struggling with some of the same things as me. If you have any questions about anything at all, please don’t hesitate to email me or comment or anything! I want everyone to experience the freedom and joy I am finding in God! I have so much more I want to say on this issue, you guys, God is just so amazing!!!