I just realized that. So I’m not going to bother titling this today.

So…Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Happy Valentine’s Day! Have I missed a holiday? I don’t think so. Remind me if I have. I seem to have lost my head lately…haha. Not only blog-wise, but I’ve been sick since Monday with the flu, which has now turned into a cold/cough. Strange, I know. My voice seems to be dropping at the rate of approximately an octave a minute.

Speaking of my voice, I had my Senior Voice Recital on January 20th. This was pretty exciting, as well as freaky. I performed eight vocal pieces and one violin piece…needless to say, it was exhilarating! And, perhaps what I’m most excited about…we had it recorded, so now I actually have a decent recording of myself! If you’re interested, here’s the song I’m most proud of, Think of Me. (Beware, the applause at the end is VERY loud, mostly thanks to my very enthusiastic friends!) The rest are here, http:/www./twilight-whispers.com/recital, if you don’t have anything else to do. The hall where my recital was had AMAZING accoustics, obviously. My friend Lana accompanied me…isn’t she phenomonal?! I love her.

Not much else to tell…but don’t you hate it when each day seems to last like a minute? You get up, and the next thing you know, you’re going back to bed? Or in this case, changing beds. Since I’ve been sick, I’ve been spending my days in our guest bedroom bed, since it’s on the first floor, and then sleeping at night in my own bed. What can I say, I’m pathetic…I want to be by everyone else! Anyway, the days blur past insanely quickly. Is that grammatically correct? Insanely quickly? I don’t know. Today I was watching American Idol auditions on YouTube. Geez, some of those people…you know, I think my dad is right. They purposely pick the really bad ones because they know people will watch it for it’s funniness. It worked on me. But you can only watch so many. How do the judges do that, day after day? I do wonder.

Well, this has got to be one of the shortest posts I’ve ever written. And most random…I guess I can blame it on being sick. Oh, I don’t know why the pictures in my menu aren’t changing…I’ll have to look into that. But I do have some new ones, here.

Thanks for reading, again.

I decided to make the last post private, considering I’m not really sure who reads this anymore. If you already read it, take it with a grain of salt. You know how dramatic theater people can be…

Email me to ask for the password if you want to read it. Don’t worry, I’ll probably give it to you.

Another month. At least this is regular.

The last Les Mis show was yesterday…so moving. Almost everyone was crying, including myself. It sounded like Alex (Valjean) was crying during the epilouge, but I don’t know. I wouldn’t put it past him to be acting so well I thought he was. Whatever happened, it made me cry. This is the last time I will do this scene, last time I will sing this song, last time I will destroy my face with mic tape. This show has been SUCH a journey, I don’t even know how to begin to describe it. God has certainly pulled me through, so much better than I would have if I had tried. So much better than I was doing at first. Such lessons learned too. It’s always this way, if I’m open to the learning.

I am so blown away by everyone. Still, right now. Last night before I went to bed, I was reading some of my old programs from shows that they did before I was there, and it was so strange to finally know these people, not just from their program picture or bio, but truly know them. Well, as well as one can for the few weeks that I was open to knowing people. I felt a switch flip during a sleepover we had towards the end. I am ever so grateful for that too. I don’t know what happened, but it did, and it enabled me to have such an awesome experience, an experience that can only be orchestrated by One who can plan such things out for His good.

I am so glad I wasn’t a lead; I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn these things. I can’t even believe I’m saying that, after my ranting before. I’m so genuinely sorry for hard feelings. Isn’t that how it always is? You misjudge situations and people, and then usually things end up the opposite of how you thought. Reminds me of Pride and Prejudice.

I think I need to remember that learning lessons and growing are more important being a lead, even if that part was your dream role. Yes, I definately need to remember that. But sometimes that part you get coincides with the lesson. And then you forget, and think you got the part because you deserve it, or you worked hard enough for it, or you proved yourself for the director. But then the reality of it is, God had that part planned out for you since before you were born. And it’s just how His perfect plan is, was, and will be.

I think I’m talking to myself here. These are things I need to remember and keep with me. Another audition coming up (I hope), and things will be just as tough, as they always are. But God is with me, as He always will be.

I am so respectful of and admire three specific people who were in Les Mis. The funny thing is, I don’t even know them all that well. But I am very grateful for their swim upstream, it is definately appreciated.

I’m sorry if that was confusing. I don’t want to be too obvious online, but I needed to get it out.

Oh, I should probably acknowledge the fact that, yes, this site was hacked. I don’t quite understand why me, out of the millions of blogs out there. They only changed my index page (that I know of), so it was an easy fix. I needed to upgrade Wordpress anyways.

It’s too late for being sleep-deprived for two weeks, I need to go to bed. Even though I’m not tired as of now. I need to get up early (haha) and practice all my instruments.

Thanks for reading about my journey.

[Edit] Haha…yes, Abby, different county! I just realized I said country once, but I meant county.[/Edit]

It really bothers me when people don’t update their blogs. Like, a lot. Why do I have to be such a hypocrite?

Hypocrite or not, I should continue my story from last…uh, month. As it turns out, they did have a role picked out for me. I got “Old Woman”. Not an old woman, the old woman. The one and only. In other words, the woman who buys Fantine’s hair. If you haven’t seen the show, Fantine becomes a prostitute to save her daughter, and sells her hair for 10 francs. So I do have a little solo part. And I have another solo in “Look Down” (the beggars’ version). It’s so hard though. I’m in a different county for this show and than I’ve been in before, and so I hardly know anyone. It’s especially hard because CYT is where all my friends are, and where I really bond and feel at home. So when I’m in CYT, but a different county with different people, different places, and different everything, it’s so hard. My friend Kaylie was in this county, and then moved, so she had to join the county where I normally go. (I’m in this different county now because I really wanted to be in Les Misérables.) So she sort of went through the same thing as me. She said she had to write a paper for school on an adventure, and she chose changing counties as the topic, since it was a narative. She said an analogy she used was going to your home, but finding different people there, and then having to live with them. That’s exactly how it feels. So compound that on top of feeling sort of not measuring up (not getting called back, ect.), and it’s really hard. Not to mention Les Misérables isn’t really a happy, upbeat show. In fact, it’s quite dreary. So rehersals aren’t really “WOOOHOOO!! Happy show, yay!!”…that doesn’t mean I don’t like the show, in fact, it’s one of my absolute favorites. But it just doesn’t help the feeling you can just sort of feel in the air, you know?

Apart from that, life is pretty good. I finally finished Chemistry from last year!! I’m so excited. I was going to take Advanced Chemistry this year (I had my choice), but then we realized another year of a science isn’t required, and I don’t have very much time to fit it in anyways, so I should focus on what really needs to get done. Such as Worldviews of the Western World. I’m still in that from last year…not good. Not horrendible (haha Wicked word) though, because I really just need to finish that this year and that’s fine as it is.

I love this time of year. When the leaves are golden and red and nothing’s green anymore. Except for evergeens, of course. I’m so sick of green by now. It’s supposed to freeze tonight; the first good freeze. And then snow tomorrow. Isn’t that exciting? I think it is. Except for the fact that it totally skipped fall and jumped right to winter. You never know though, in the midwest. It won’t snow next week and we’ll be back to beautiful autumn once again. I’m fine with that.

I’ve been taking a lot of pictures lately, but I wish I would upload more of them. The majority of my photography stays on my computer, unfortunately, and never makes it online. I’m going to try to upload more of it though. I’d like to know what other people think. So just check those images in my sidebar once in a while, and maybe there’ll be some new ones…just maybe.

I’m going to put dates on my calendar in my phone when I should update, that way, I truly can’t forget. Then I won’t be a hypocrite anymore, hopefully.

Until next time,
Elisabeth

Now I’ll explain that post. I was so upset, depressed, crushed, angry, and shocked last night that I just had to get it out and no one else was awake. My audition was last night. I actually did a pretty good job, like there was nothing I could do to improve. Most other auditions I feel like I messed something up. I should probably give some background information though. All the other shows I’ve been in, when I didn’t get a lead (which was all but one, and Wizard of Oz was not a singing lead), my mom asked what I could do to improve. All of the directors said that my voice was “too pretty, too operatic. This just isn’t your show, ect.”. So now I audition for Les Miserables, which happens to be pretty much an opera. In fact, the sheet at the audition place said that for a particular role, you must be an operatic, classically trained soprano. (pretty much a definition of me) So I audition. And I wait up all night and don’t get a callback. You can guess what ensued; crying myself to sleep and asking “why?’. And so I call my friend, who is amazing (she was Dorothy in Wizard) and who also auditioned with me and didn’t get a callback. She said that they found out that some professional kids with resumes and headshots came in and pretty much stole roles from other people who have been involved with this ministry and organization for years. Like me. Auditions are just not fair, that’s the bottom line. But this just hits home so much it makes me so upset I want to puke. I’ve been waiting to do this show for over a year, and then I heard that this other county in CYT was actually doing it. I really didn’t expect to get the lead I wanted, but I wanted a chance. That’s what bugs me SO much. They wouldn’t even give me a CHANCE. For whatever reason, they totally disregarded me and my friend, and didn’t even truly consider me, and ask to do my best, on the same level as everyone else who is “good”.

I don’t really expect you guys to sympathize with me. You haven’t heard me sing, at least not since that stuff I posted over a year ago, which was awful. I just want to rant and scream and cry and pretty much quit singing altogether. But I won’t, I know that’s not what you do. You keep going and going until God teaches you the lesson you need to learn. What do I get out of this? I need a resume and professional background in order to get a lead now? I’m so judgemental. I don’t even know the cast yet. For all I know, they didn’t even call anyone else back for the role I want, and gave it to someone just from what they saw in the auditions. Could be me. Could not. Most likely not. God has a plan, and that plan’s way better than anything I could even dream up. I just need to believe that with my heart. I think that’s called faith; believing and trusting in the unseen, no matter what. This is so trivial compared to other issues, yet so imprortant to me.

I forgot to mention that being in a different county means that I know next to no one. That makes it hard for me, not being an extroverted person. But I know God will get me through this, no matter how hard it will be. It’s all in the mindset, and heartset, that is. Especially giving it all to God, into His hands, which is by far the best place to be.

Edit: Just now I’ve had such a change. God reassured me that everything is ok, and under control. This show is not out of His reach, as nothing is, and I have my confidence in Him regarding my part, and everything else. I would appreciate it if you guys could pray for me to not be jealous of whoever gets the part I want, if you feel comfortable doing so. Thanks.

I’ve just about died. It’s one in the morning and no callback. I didn’t know I could feel this sick and still be alive.

I don’t care how conceited that sounds.

Hey guys!

Sorry about that error that kept coming up. After my host changed servers, some things seem to be screwed up. My MySQL databases kept resetting their passwords, and then Wordpress couldn’t connect. So I had to go back in there and change them. Then it would keep changing them back! I hope it stays fixed this time, for now anyway.

As you all know, summer’s ending. It might have offically ended for some of you already, but I start school tomorrow. Or, I know some of you aren’t in school anymore. If that’s the case, then I don’t know how you determine the start of fall. Maybe the “First Day of Fall” on the calendar?

My schoolwork shouldn’t be all that bad, considering I’m a senior this year. I need to finish up my Chemistry from last year though…I’m almost done!

I’m just realizing I haven’t really blogged much about my summer (we didn’t go anywhere, so maybe that would be part of the reason why). More about my thoughts. Which is interesting, because I wanted to focus more on my thoughts this summer. I guess I did that. But I know sometimes it can get annoying when you read about someone’s thoughts and know nothing about their life. So…today, my friend and I went to the mall. I really wanted to get some new clothes, especially jeans, but unfortunately I’ve only been completely satisfied with Gap’s jeans. Which is really annoying, considering Gap is extremely expensive. For me it is, anyway. But I didn’t go there today because I don’t think my friend likes Gap. I don’t want to drag someone into a store and have them bored out of their mind…so we went to Aeropostale, which we both like. I ended up getting a shirt and two tanks with sequins and beads to go under things, and earrings. Then we went to Claire’s and I got a neckalce and a cell phone charm thingy. My mom and I have the same cell phone, and sometimes it gets confusing. So I decided to make it easier to distinguish between the two.

I’m so excited, and nervous. I’m auditiong for “Les Miserables” on Friday…and I have a cold. I really, really hope I get over it by then. Well, before Friday would be good, since I’d like to practice. So that’s mostly why I’m nervous, although I’m sure just auditioning has something to do with that. I’d really like to be Cosette, but you never know.

Well, I that’s all I have time for tonight…I have to go to bed so that I can get up for school. Thanks for reading!

Just a quick post to let you guys know I am indeed alive, regardless of how lazy I may be. (Or maybe it’s a busy-yet-not-busy summer?)

Elisabeth

I remember this time last year. I had just come back from summer theater camp, remember, and wrote all about how much fun I had? I’ve been thinking lately about how much I’ve grown in a year…my relationship with God is so much more than it used to be, although I know it’s from from what it can be. And I think about my future now. What will my life be like next year at this time, two, three years from now? I always thought that when I got older, somehow I would feel different. It’s hard to explain…sort of like, “Oh, this is me now, but when I”m ___, I’ll be so much different, and won’t feel like myself anymore.”. I still feel like myself, like I haven’t changed at all inside. Yet, I’ve changed so much, just not what I thought I would change into when I was younger. And now I’ve talked myself in circles!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and live my last few years again. I wasted so much time! I am really behind in my schoolwork, and if I had kept at it, I wouldn’t be like this. But instead on doing Chemistry now, I’m here blogging. Haven’t I learned this lesson once?! And I wish I could be a kid again. I never really understood why Peter Pan wanted to stay in Never Never Land…wouldn’t he want to grow up and be an adult after a while? Now I feel like my childhood is ending, and I spent a lot of it wanting to grow up. I wish I could stay as I am now, and not have to worry about forks in the road and careers and choices and everything else you need to think about when you’re getting older. Just stay here, protected, sheltered, and spend my days learning and thinking without worry. But at the same time, I am excited for the future. I can’t wait to learn more about my favorite subjects, and grow into who God created me to be. And I truly cannot wait to do what He has planned for me! A future written by the creator of the Universe? Who would want more? I never really could relate when people said that before. Like, “Ok, wow, but you still control your life and God’s just sort of there for you when you need help.”. Now I really see that God actually has written your life, He has planned every second, yet still gives us free will. He doesn’t want us to be puppets, but to learn to trust Him, and give our lives to Him so that we will want to know Him and do His will. I have never really, truly wanted to know God before. He was just kind of…there. And I was supposed to tell my bad deeds to Him and He would forgive me and I would move on in my life until I remembered to ask for forgiveness again. And of course, he was just waiting to pounce on me until I did. I felt like there was a huge wall between us, and it could never be knocked down, as hard as I tried. A few months ago, I was at a sleepover with some friends and some events lead to that wall just tumbling down. And I felt God’s presence in the room, just enfolding me! It was the most amazing experience! Since then, I have tried to make God the center of my life, everything I do and say revolves around Him. And the thing is, I want this! I want Him to control my life! Sometimes I have the human feeling to just take control, and think that God doesn’t really care. And I do struggle with guilt from past sins. But I need to remind myself that God really has forgiven me, thanks to the amazing sacrifice of His Son, Jesus, who has made it possible to come to God directly. We are not worthy, but God accepts Jesus’ atonment instead of ours…no need to perform something for our sins, like a deed, but to acknowledge that I am sinful and Jesus has done the one deed necesarry for our sins.

I hope this didn’t come off as hypocritical or preachy…I do fall and make mistakes, I’m not perfect in any way, shape or form. But I’ve really been thinking about this lately, and as I wrote, it sort of changed into what it is now. I hope maybe this will help one of you guys, who is maybe struggling with some of the same things as me. If you have any questions about anything at all, please don’t hesitate to email me or comment or anything! I want everyone to experience the freedom and joy I am finding in God! I have so much more I want to say on this issue, you guys, God is just so amazing!!!